As I sit in the favorite corner of my bed sipping my evening tea and scrolling my Instagram feed; I see people making plans for Friday night and here I am. Sitting in front of my laptop screen staring at this blank document trying to empty my thoughts on this blank document in order to provide some peace to my soul. However, my words fail to come out. The harder I try, the harder they resist. This, in turn, is making me suffocated. I am unable to breathe. Millions of thoughts hover around my mind making it hard for me to breathe. My chest is puffed up with anxiety resulting in a certain kind of fear. A fear which a student faces before viva and that fear increase more when the teacher inside is also a strict one.
What fear is this? What kind of thoughts are these that are creating a mess in my mind? Does this happen with everybody where they themselves fail to distinguish between what is going inside their mind and they end up getting angry and every synonym of anxiety?
Similar to a coin that has two sides, this phase also has two sides. On one side, the person wants someone by their side who can pamper them so that they can talk to them, hug them, cry like a kid and empty whatever is going inside no matter how useless it is. On the other hand, the person resists himself or herself from getting close to anyone for they fear that what they will think. What if they make fun of their feelings? Alternatively, what if they don’t understand and end up saying that this too shall pass?
In most cases when tried to approach people including family, friends, and lovers expecting some kind of help, they try to run away by saying that “this happens with everybody. It is not a big deal. Stay calm. This too shall pass”.
However, this makes me hell angry. I want to confront them that what kind of things/ feelings they are talking about that happens to everybody. On one side, there is a person who is completely broken and is looking for some help from you and you are taking it casually ending up a dialogue.
What is the use of being in love or with someone whom you call your bestie when he or she cannot help you get out of that phase?
If the person has to come out from this by him or herself then why should he or she give a shit to you when you need them?
Overall, it makes me immensely sad when I see people fighting their own struggles with no help from their family, friends, and lovers and yet judge them, advising them that their acts are not acceptable in the society and other shitty things. What kind of society we live in where we have no freedom to express ourselves because the struggles that we fight inside ourselves aren’t struggles and are mere thoughts, which are a result of our utter stupid thoughts.
If mind struggles are stupid then yes, I am stupid because I too fight my own battles, I too go through days where I feel miserable, I get surrounded by unknown fears created by my mind and spend my nights crying like an idiot.
I am sure that many people are facing same struggles but they would have never opened it up to someone because according to our dear society we are stupid.
Trust me when I say, stupid people are far better than intelligent people in our society who fail to support others and help them heal.
So, in which category do you fall?
Stupid or Intelligent?